Changes

I'm sure sociologists have studied thousands of different groupings, observing how individuals behave and respond in those unique settings. I'd really love to know if any sociologists have studied class reunions because they would have to make some fascinating case studies. My 20-year reunion was last weekend and it was a great experience. It had been several years since I'd been back to my hometown of Manchester, Iowa, population 5,400 or so.

Despite the fact that my high-school classmates have all aged 20 years, it's still difficult to not see each and every one of them as 16, 17, 18. It's difficult not to see myself that way, too. Why is that? I suppose one reason is that a gathering like that one really gives me freedom to see myself as a teen-ager, which is how I feel sometimes. When I first started in the ministry and someone would come to me with an issue or if they needed comforting or advice, my first reaction was, are you kidding me? Why would you want that from me? I'm only 15! At least that's how I perceived myself. When you get together with a group of friends who knew you when you were 15, it's even easier to see yourself that way, just as you see others that way, too.

One classmate told me that she didn't think she'd changed at all, but that others had. I thought that was interesting. After she made that comment, I looked around the room at the Cedar Lodge in Manchester, Iowa. I'd guess that most everyone there came that evening at least a little self-concious about some way in which they'd changed. Maybe (in my case) it's a receding hairline. Maybe it's a change in weight or hair color. Maybe it's a mannerism or an accent they've picked up. Those are the easy changes to spot. It's pretty hard to spot the other kinds of changes. Has that person gone through trauma? How did he handle the divorce? How is she coping with that death? How are they doing--really doing--in the raising of their children? Is he happy with his job? Does she like where she lives? Does he believe in God? You might know those answers with your closer friends, but it's difficult with everyone else. But those life experiences have changed us all. And yet when we entered that room, we laughed about our memories, remembered popular songs and movies, shook our heads at the clothes we wore. And for a few hours, I suppose, my classmate was right. We hadn't changed at all.